The FB Post That Started It All

December in Denver: Divine! 2014

The Last Day of 2014 is upon us and I welcome what’s to come. This year has been full of self recovery and healing in my world as I delved into the darkest depths of my psyche to answer one question: Where is my Life? Or, more precisely: What am I doing with this life?

Awakening occurs in cycles and I found myself at forty, questioning why I hadn’t reached the degree of success I’ve been aiming for all of these years. I had to be honest and confront my daily habits and the continual thoughts behind my actions to come to the conclusion that I still have a lot of healing to do. I discovered and took onus to the fact that I am an adult survivor of child abuse and suffer from severe PTSD. I had never named it. I just survived. All these years, that’s what I’ve been doing; surviving.

This year I decided I was fed up with being continually occupied with the past and being tormented by all I had witnessed; all I survived through. There was this constant dialogue going on in my head, often triggered by normal, everyday scenes. Regardless of my successes and triumphs, I still held on to those memories in my body, so my mind was always preoccupied with battle. I would never allow even my closest friends to be too close, sequestering myself in shame as I wrestled with depression, not wanting to be the person bringing everyone down with my trauma. I hid. For many years.

This year I will no longer hide from the cold, hard truth. It is gratifying and has set me free. I’m so grateful and feel more alive now that I am in the process of going beyond surviving; I’m doing the work so I may finally rise above the nightmares and dissociation to a place of inner peace and actual productivity. I found an incredible therapist and have been fearless about discovering who I am and how I have been affected by the horrific experiences I went through as a child and how to heal myself in order to move on and finally live this life in joy. Through journaling and documenting the abuse, the subsequent effects on my psyche and personality and my struggle to empower myself through it, I may actually have a book to share soon.

I understand now that the thing I’ve been hiding all this time is exactly the gem I have to share. By exposing myself and becoming vulnerable, I choose to open a dialogue of healing and join the many souls devoted to empowering and uplifting others who have suffered abuse. I choose to get to the other side of my wonderful self and be an example and a helper to those who wish to do the same.

Spread your wings, my Loves; let us fly.

Let us face our shortcomings and turn them into assets this year. Let us find peace within where fear, pain and shame used to dwell. Let us overcome the past, no matter how tumultuous, to triumph in the Love we are continually surrounded by. Let us be strong in our conviction to be our best selves. Let us fortify our spirits and share our stories in the name of Change. Let us be courageous and continue to fight against ignorance through striving to be gleaming examples of the type of people our world needs in order to progress. Let us take ourselves from surviving to creating substantiality in our lives and our communities. Let us dialogue and workshop ourselves through to the other side. Let us bloom like the sacred lotus blossom and continue to be the sweet, fragrant flowers of consciousness and free will that the Universe grows.